He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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