cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
