Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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