i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm too high and old for this...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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