WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
