On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
