I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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