You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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