I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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