She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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