Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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