i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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