I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Say something about gay babies.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
