I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
