Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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