Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
