she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
