i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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