i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
