guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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