The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
