i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
