if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
