I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
