Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Someone came in the potted fern
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
