I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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