Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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