I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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