She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
