I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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