it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
