she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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