Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
being pregnant is like rehab
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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