ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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