I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
