your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
