if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
