I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
kristin has been a bad kristin
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
