The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
