well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
we should paint friendship bongs
I woke up under a house in Key West
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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