We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
