I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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