I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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