Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
