what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
