found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
