If that was your dad, he is hot
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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