I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
