a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
