i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
