well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
