Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
