Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
