Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
