I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
